Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
