I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
