I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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