His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
