You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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