Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
