WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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