we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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