I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
