Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
