This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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