Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
