He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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