my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize