Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
