Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
