Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
