Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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