On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
