thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
