I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Modeâ€. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
