He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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