from now on my penis is your penis
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
FUCK WHALES
We smell like vodka and hangover
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