Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
