It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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