Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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