Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
