Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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