: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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