You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
