im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
