3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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