Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
