sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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