"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
