she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
