he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
