**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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