listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
