I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I puked a lego.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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