I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
