i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
