She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
