chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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