Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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