yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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