Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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