i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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