I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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