either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come on in and take your pants off
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
