Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
