i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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