Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sex in a hospital.. check
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
