This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
