is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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