you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
