Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
