She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
