When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
