i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
