It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sarcasm needs its own font
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
