He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
