worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
