He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
