Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
