addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
