there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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