at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize