My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
