I am in a vortex of obligation.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
