Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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