I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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