You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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