I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
