I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
