Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
