Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just pee around me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize